Well, I cannot get to sleep at all. It is due to a careless
combination of stupid judgments -- a three hour nap in the middle of the
afternoon, too much tea, and now it is nearly 3:30 AM and my mind won't
let go of reality so that I might sleep. So here I am, writing down some
of the thoughts that are badgering me so very late this night.
	I was uncomfortable in bed, irritated at my situation, and then I
thought of Heather down in Nicaragua, and how she has to deal with bed
bugs and other pests when she sleeps. And I realized that I don't have it
bad at all. But my mind was not content to stop there, oh no! It asked,
"Do you think that you could handle those conditions that third-worlders
face? You're far too posh, you soft-skinned, bourgeois American!" Oh my
taunting mind. How I despise you at 3:35 AM. But I thought on the
challenge that my mind so mockingly posed. I thought, "If I subjugated
myself to those conditions, and all the inherent dangers one finds in less
developed nations (such as disease, violence, accidents) I would be much
more familiar with the possibility of death lurking just around the
corner. Death...not really something they sing about on the pop radio
stations all that often. I told my mind, "I would rather Live with the
possibility of death around the corner than be dead with the chance for
truly Living being always around the corner." I think that this is what
Jesus meant when he said, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose
it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it" (Matt. 16:25).
	As I sought that verse, I read over some of the parables of Jesus,
and I read the excerpt where he explains to the disciples why he speaks in
parables:

	"You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be
ever seeing but never perceiving." Matt 13:14.

And I thought that I should read over parables with a much deeper intent,
for I do not wish to have a blind and callus heart. So I read Matt. 13:24
(the parable of the weeds), and I realized just how rich it is in
metaphor. Incidentally, this passage should be included whenever answering
the question, "Why does God allow evil in the world?" This parable
explains the answer much better than my own bumbling attempts.
	Now, after 4 AM, I think that I am really ready for sleep. Once
again, I feel cut off in mid-stream of thought, but I did manage to get
the most urgent thoughts recorded. The rest will have to wait for another
sleepless night...
	Once more thing. Here is a thought I penned on a separate sheet of
paper earlier today:

	What is it? It is the absurd. How do you ponder the irrational?!

	And there is so much that is irrational, ironic, and paradoxical.
But not really. ;)